1) ”Are you having a good day?”
"Everyday is a good day."
2) ”How did you get a visa?”
"I won the lottery. You know the immigration lottery?"
[having consumed a few drinks] “Woah, really? That’s amazing! We have such a broken immigration system that it’s somehow encouraging to meet people who won the lottery. What did your parents say when you told them.”
"That I was lucky."
3) ”No, we don’t talk to each other over here. There isn’t the same sense of unity that you have here in the U.S. The sense of being a “Nigerian.” Every tribe thinks they are the best.”
4) ”Let me tell you something! Never trust a woman!”
"Yes! Never trust something that bleeds for three days and doesn’t die!"
"I’d like to pay with credit."
"Ok, swipe. [almost shouting] I’m serious! I drive a cab and I don’t normally talk to passengers, but I HEAR EVERYTHING."
"Uh-huh…." [swipes card.]
"A woman can go have sex and cheat on her husband and he would have no idea that something had happened and she would treat him like normal! How much should I make the tip for."
[Makes it for $2.60] “A woman, say a prostitute, can have sex with 50 men in a night. 50!”
"Can I have a receipt?"
[Shouting] You, as a man, cannot have sex with more than two! YOU WOULD DIE!”
"I think I would die after one."
[Hands me receipt.]
"Welp, thanks for the ride."
"Ok, have a nice night man."